4 Week Update

Hi all. I swear I've been meaning to write an update but haven't been able to use my computer. The charger broke and my new one won't be arriving for about four more business days. It's annoying to have to type things on my phone.

Full disclosure: It's been a dreary few days. I feel like I might as well just be honest on this blog. School is going well and I am able to follow my classes in Spanish better than I expected. The teachers I work with are very nice and supportive and so they're very helpful as I ease into my work routine. I'm becoming more confident about navigating the city and going places. The work/school week always seems to go by quickly.

But then the weekends have been hard. If you've ever studied abroad alone/moved to a new place by yourself, you know it's hard being the new kid. I felt it when I was in Ecuador and I have to go through it again now. People are very nice; I really am making friends but it just takes time. I think I'm just about to the outside-of-school friend level with a few people so that's good. I can be quite shy and introverted so it's work fighting that impulse. I also have three-day weekends right now which I'm sure I'll love in the end, but they feel long to me now.

Today I've been stuck home from school, sick in bed. I'm really looking forward to going back tomorrow. I have things to keep me busy but I generally don't do well alone with my thoughts for too long; they usually drift back to home. A couple people in my life just started college and most of my friends from high school are starting their careers; I've just been feeling a little off-step about life. Classes at Webster started today and as I was throwing up this morning I couldn't help but wish I was waking up with Andy and the cats in our apartment and starting school at a place where I feel in my element.

What can I say, it's hard! I want to tell you that I'm partying it up here and just having fun but I won't lie. I'm still adjusting. I've done this before and I know it gets better. Someday, when I look back on my experience here, I won't hardly even remember days like these. But in this moment, they are a real challenge to overcome. Even though I know overcoming makes me stronger, whenever I'm actually in the overcoming process I think, damn, why did I not remember how hard this is? There's no way out but through it.

On a more positive note, I had some delicious food this weekend, the trees are budding and I can't wait for spring to arrive, and Andy's coming to visit me the week of Thanksgiving. That'll be here before I know it, right?

Hope to have sunnier things to say next time! Also I'd love to add some photos but my phone is being a pain about it so I guess they'll just have to wait.

Not the Post I Wanted to Write

I was planning on getting around to writing a post this weekend. I was going to write about how I enjoyed going sledding in the Andes and how my first week of school went quite well. But I'm not going to write about that today.

On Thursday I gave a presentation to the class about the American education system. It went well; I held peoples attention and they were interested in the topic. Afterwards about ten students stuck around to talk to me. How long did it take for someone to ask me about racism in the United States? About three minutes. We touched on school segregation and the Delmar divide before another class was coming in and I promised that we could revisit the topic in the future.

I think that there's a solid chance that of the about 100 students in this class, someone will have heard about what happened in Virginia today. I am looking at a very real possibility that I may be asked about it. My answer is not going to be some bullshit about how terrible this one event was, how bad hate and violence are, how we all need to unite and how all white people in the country aren't racist.

My job is to educate students about American culture, and my answer will be an absolute acknowledgement of the racial structures of power and personhood that are an integral part of the country. My answer will be about those who fight to maintain white power and privilege, those who fight to dismantle it in the name of what we are told America is supposed to be, and those who live as though there is no fight at all.

I know people who might just say that we don't know the full story, that it's about politics and free speech, that violence in any case is bad and no side is perfect. Critically, they might directly or indirectly deny that the United States is far, far from having dealt with racism. With the little bit of traveling I've done, the one thing I've learned most is how little I know. But one thing I can tell you: The rest of the world sees us, and they are not in denial.

Hi Family, I'm Alive and Well

Hey, better late than never on the blog posts, right? I hope at some point to write all about all the cool stuff I did in Ghana (lots of cool stuff!). Hope is the key word there. Maybe I'll at least upload some of my pictures. I'm not great at this whole consistency thing.

Anyway, I've been in Argentina a little less than a week now! I was supposed to arrive Monday morning but ended up getting here in the evening after missing a flight. On that note I'd like to give an enormous shoutout to Gommy and Brian for coming through for me in my hour of need/in every hour of need I've ever had.

I really don't fly well so when I got here I was pretty much a mess. Thankfully I have a great host mom who has been taking excellent care of me. She's a retired math teacher and widow who loves to talk and joke and cooks good food. The house is really cute and I have the whole upstairs to myself with my own bathroom so I couldn't ask for more. Also, the bathroom has a bidet and I tried it for the first time today and I don't know why we don't have more bidets back in the US.

Tomorrow I'm going with my host mom's granddaughter up into the mountains to go play in the snow. We rented snowsuits and sleds. I look wonderfully ridiculous in my snowsuit. I'll try to get a picture.

School starts Monday! I'd write about it but I'm pretty nervous so trying not to think about that too much right now! I know it will be fine but I always anticipate the worst. At least I am always pleasantly surprised when everything works out in the end.

Till next time I'll leave you with two pictures: me in front of a big statue and the view I got on the phone with Andy today as he ate chicken nuggets in his car.

One Week in Ghana

Hi all. Not too much to say yet. I wanted to make a post but I'm not much of a writer when I don't have anything specific I want to say. I've been doing mostly fun stuff since I got here. We went to a pool at a nearby hotel one day and to the beach yesterday. I've tried some good African food as well. Haven't had too much going on in terms of classes because we only have class three days a week and no class yesterday (professor is in the states) and no class today (a holiday, African Union Day).

Last Friday started out good; we went to a market and I bought some fabric to have a dress made. Then when we got home I got pretty sick and threw up. I couldn't go on a beach trip and spent the afternoon laying on the couch and feeling sorry for myself. I always get homesick when I'm not feeling well and can't be in my own bed. I called Andy and missed him terribly. I thought that I would surely never feel better and that these were about to be the longest eight weeks of my life.

Of course, the moment passed and I am feeling a-okay now. My stomach settled and though I of course will continue to miss Andy, I really am feeling right at home here and making friends. Today we are planning to go to a market that opens for the holiday and I am hoping to make at least a little progress on developing my research project. I'll write about it here when I get things a bit more fleshed out! Here are some pictures, though I haven't taken many.

Banku and fufu with soup.

Laying out by the pool.

Driving in Accra. 

At the beach.

Fashionably Late

My brother has a joke with our family that when making plans, everyone needs to remember to convert to Grace Standard Time: to estimate when Grace will arrive, take the agreed meeting time and add 30 minutes. Punctuality has never been a strength of mine. My mom says that when I was little, walking anywhere with me would take forever because I had to stop and investigate everything, pick up pretty rocks and such, and I'm still a stop-and-smell-the-flowers kind of person. So, it seems appropriate that I'm writing a blog post I've been meaning to write for a while as I wait to board a flight I was supposed to be on five days ago. I'm going to Ghana; this flight from St. Louis to Dallas will be the first leg of about 24 hours of travel. This trip (and another upcoming study abroad in Argentina) are the reason I decided to breathe some new life into this blog (also, my aunt Sarah asked me to). 

In the three years since I last wrote here, I've been taking my time. I won't write now about the end of my incredible experience in Ecuador because that really deserves its own post (which may or may not ever appear). Coming home was strange. As hard as adjusting to Ecuador was, adjusting to "home" might have been even harder. I was certainly less prepared. All my friends had gone on to college and I had no idea what I was supposed to do next. In the fall, I did a semester at community college and worked two jobs. I felt directionless but kept my schedule busy to feel like I was doing something. I thought about going abroad again; I wanted to go away to school in Europe. Then, at the movie theater where I worked, I was lucky enough to meet Andy. He nervously asked me out while I cleaned the soda fountain; we were deep in love soon after. I decided to take a semester off of school, not wanting to study before I knew what I wanted. Andy made me promise me that I wouldn't stay home and put dreams on hold because of him. 

That January (2015) I spent a few days in New York with friends and family. Between wine and Netflix binges, my aunt Katie and I browsed college websites. I looked into going to Spain and realized that my dreams had changed. I settled on Webster University, got a solid scholarship, and decided to major in anthropology. I spent that spring going from shift to shift, 14 hour days on my feet. Andy and I got an apartment; it was my first taste of bills and the adult world. I loved the responsibility, but I came to yearn for the feeling of going somewhere. I missed school. 

That summer, Andy and I went back to Ecuador to visit my host family and travel around. It was great to be back and see them and share it with him. I was fortunate enough to get to go to Europe that summer as well and visit friends I had made on exchange in Belgium, Germany and Austria. I was more than ready when school began and found that anthropology was about much more than I thought and I loved it more than I imagined I ever would. I studied German too; I loved the way it sounded when my friends spoke it. I was ahead on credits and so decided to try some programming classes. All the while, I kept taking Spanish. I had no plans to study abroad again. 

Fast forward to January 2017. I was about to begin my 4th semester at Webster and first without a class in Spanish. At the last minute, I decided I couldn't do it and signed up for a Spanish Literature seminar. I realized that I desperately missed speaking another language and that I was ready for a change. I had the opportunity to apply for a TA position at a university in Mendoza, Argentina in the fall semester and went for it. Soon after, I found out about a scholarship to study during the summer at one of Webster's campuses in Accra, Ghana. I got lucky and was accepted to both programs. 

I was supposed to leave for Ghana on May 11th, but my visa didn't arrive in time. After a pricey cancellation fee, I had five extra days with my friends and family in St. Louis. I got to watch my brother/best friend graduate from high school. I sat with my mom and grandma on the porch on Mother's Day, eating watermelon. I had lunch with a friend and enjoyed resting at home with Andy. All around the country, my former classmates graduated college. There were photos of them as little kids and clinging to their college friends, posts about starting careers and how quickly time has disappeared. I just finished my sophomore year. Those five days of waiting made me realize how incredibly lucky I am. They made me glad for my delays, for my tardiness, for my meandering through life. Sometimes you have to trade off taking your time and being on time. 

Assuming I have no problems traveling. I'll arrive tomorrow evening in Accra and I'm eager to get there. I can't wait to dive into the experience and make new friends. I'll be the last in the group to arrive but I'm not worried; I like to think there's something to be said for being late.  

I Wrote Something

So it’s been three-and-half months since I wrote anything here. There are multiple reasons for this. First off, let’s call a spade a spade: I am lazy, and writing is work. Another reason would probably be that as much as I would love to document things, I am generally so busy being in the life thing that I just don’t think to step outside myself to create future nostalgia opportunities. Before I was an exchange student I read some blogs to get a sense of what it might be like. I noticed a general trend of posts becoming less frequent and then stopping, so I’m not surprised I did the same. A lot of them said that things just started to feel normal, that things became like part of normal life. I think that’s what’s intended with a high-school level exchange. That you immerse and assimilate, grow into this new life.

That’s sort of what’s happened to me except not at all. Rather than start feeling like my life here is my normal life, my entire concept of normality has disappeared. Maybe that sounds like some really great non-conformist sentiment, but this feeling is a whole lot bigger than that. I’d say it’s sort of like the moment you realize you’re no longer a child. But when you have this moment, it’s not like you’ve crossed over a thin line and suddenly you’re a fully realized adult. Far from it. You’re just in nowhere-land.

I am in nowhere-land. This is not my normal life. I’m not telling lies here—I have not assimilated to Ecuadorian culture. I have adjusted; I get along just fine. But I do not belong here, and to pretend that I do would have to mean acting like someone I’m just not, and I will never be comfortable with that. But that’s not to say I haven’t changed. Oh yes, I have changed. And the thing is that I’ve passed some point-of-no-return where there is no going home. I would say that about three months ago I could have gone home and it would have been different; there would have been a lot of little surface things: I would have been more aware of this, that would have bothered me when it didn’t before. But somewhere between then and now, the entire world shifted under my feet and I woke up in an entire new reality. I say that I’ve changed, but maybe I really haven’t, maybe people never really change, maybe just our perspectives change. And when your perspective changes, your entire universe is one that resembles your familiar before, but is inherently different in a way that defies description.

My life here didn’t become normal; it became real. It’s part of a new reality that I have to navigate. One where I no longer get the comfort of unquestioned beliefs. There is no default. Home feels like such a distant place; the only America I can feel connected to is the one I remember through child’s eyes, the one I will always cherish. The person I suddenly am isn’t part of there, isn’t part of here, isn’t part of anywhere. Everything is so big and so small all in the same moment. Even surrounded by people I love, I’ve never felt so alone. I’ve never felt so confidently alone. It’s a strange sense of being completely lost and yet absolutely certain that you will arrive.

That’s another reason I haven’t written here—everything happening in my head is so far beyond me that I don’t even know how to begin. I am (as I suppose I always have been) living two lives, the one outside my head and the one inside. A lot of things have happened in the outside life that I could have written about here no problem: factual descriptions of trips, holidays, cultural differences, etc. I could have written it all and trimmed the edges with emotion and humor and it would have been fine. But then there’s this whole other inner life where things have just been beyond words. And the two worlds mesh and affect each other and it’s so exhausting to flesh it all out, and even when I do, do I really want to share it? For what? To inform people back home? What’s home? This is my life and things happen that are important to me and now that everything has become so real, it’s kind of private. I just can’t see this exchange as like this year apart from everything where I’m like, “Wow! Ecuador! Look at that!” Now it’s part of this weird life that becomes who I am.

Does any of this make sense to anyone reading it? I have no idea.

I’m going home in a little less than eight weeks. Some days that seems like nothing, some days it still seems like quite a while. How do I feel about going home? Great question. First off, there is no home. The life I had built for myself has essentially dissolved. Everyone has moved away, high school is over. I find it eerie how a little world so tightly woven as high school just dissipates so quickly. Like it was never really there at all. It seemed so real then—what does it say about our present? If you’re wondering, I’m doing a year at Meramec and then transferring to somewhere. Don’t ask me where I’m looking to transfer; I don’t have an answer for you. I think I’ll be arriving come June in a place that resembles one I used to know but isn’t. I can’t see it as going back; there is no going back. It’s part of this whole future that’s even shakier than my present.

Like I said, I’m nowhere. But I’m not lost. I always know where I’m going, I’m just never aware.

Reflections from the Midpoint

Today was the five-month mark of my ten-month stay. I have a lot of contradictory thoughts and feelings about this day. I can remember trying to imagine it, back when it seemed an eternity away. It's weird to actually be here. I wouldn't say time has gone by fast; I don't think time ever really goes by fast. It's just that we look at points in the future as being so distant that we can hardly imagine getting there. And then time doesn't fly by, but it just...passes, when we never really expected it to.

I've thought a lot about time since I've been here. I've thought a lot about a lot of things. And how I want to approach time. And how I want to approach life. With the time thing, there's this sentiment that we should "seize every moment," and that's especially popular with the whole exchange program thing. I think that's sort of unrealistic. It's like in every moment you should be feeling in that moment that you are living life to the fullest; it makes me think of stock photos of laughing people and the sort of pictures you might find on tumblr. I've found here that the best approach is not for me to try to "seize" every moment, because then there's an expectation placed on everything, and then there's the possibility for unnecessary and unwarranted disappointment. I just try to experience every moment. That includes moments where I just sort of want to fall in a hole or return to the womb or something, because those moments do happen occasionally. And when I'm sitting in those little moments of eternity, I don't try to get away from it. I just try to live in it. Eat up the misery, maybe I can use it for some good later.

Ecuador is a weird country for me. Let me clarify: it is not bad, I am not having a bad time (far from it). How I ended up in Ecuador is I randomly choose it for a third choice country and then I was offered a scholarship. So, I found myself thrilled about free money and destined for a country I selected after browsing google image search results for 30 seconds. I'm adventurous! I did some research, and my host thoughts were, "Oh, shit. Well, here we go." Looking back, that was a pretty accurate thought to have.

You see, Ecuador is a Latino country. Latino culture and Ecuador is sort of the opposite of who I am as a person. I would not change this fact for the world. Really, I wouldn't. I'm glad I get to spend a year here. I am anxious. Ecuadorians are laid back. While I love the people I love very much, I have trouble imagining someone describing me as "warm." Ecuadorians touch each other at all available moments and put damn near half the words they say in a diminutive form to make them more "loving." I analyze everything alway at every moment and I can lay awake for hours before my mind is exhausted enough to sleep. Ecuadorians, not so much. These people do not like to read books. These people are loud. These people think Grown Ups 2 is a good movie. I do not belong here.

This isn't a classic cliche story of "Wow, but we're all really the same on the inside!" As much as I have learned how little our differences matter, I have learned how much they cannot be denied. And I have learned which parts of myself I will change to assimilate, and which parts really are who I am. It's a struggle for me to be here sometimes, feeling like no one understands me, so alone. It's almost tempting to get superior about it, like I know some grand secrets that no one around me knows. But I once got some obvious, but sometimes-difficult-to-follow advice: if everything seems wrong, you're what's wrong. And as much as they all don't understand me, I'm not understanding them. Because it's hard to understand. It always takes more effort to diverge from your default path. But it's my job here. I am learning a lot.

As for the language, I'm not really sure what to tell you about that. Everyone wants to know about the f-word: am I fluent yet? Honestly, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I am, sometimes I feel like I'm not. It's not at all tiring to speak Spanish anymore. I don't translate in my head. If someone speaks English that's not that great, I'd really prefer to speak Spanish with them. I understand essentially everything that's said, but occasionally people bring in words I haven't heard before. I can think in it. I dream in it. I write my diary in Spanish. I'm rereading Mockingjay in Spanish (Sinsajo) and while there are plenty of new words, I infer some, look up some, and overall can read it at a normal and comfortable pace. Schoolwork poses minimal challenge in the language department. I can go an entire day and not misunderstand anything. I can talk fast if I'm not nervous. I can watch most tv shows and the news without any problem, but if I try to watch a critically-acclaimed movie with smart dialogue, it can get tough. I'm impatient with the language, which in a way is good because I constantly want to be better at it. I don't know if I'm "fluent." There isn't really an officially fluency point where an angel visits you in a dream or something. I'd say my level is medium-high.

I've been really blessed to have some amazing people here. I LOVE my host family. So much. Family time is very important in Ecuadorian culture and I love being with them, so that works out quite nicely. They are loving and caring and incredibly understanding and I got really lucky there. I've made some truly good friends at school. At the beginning of an exchange, I think it's sort of like you make allies more than friends. But I'm past that and really love and care about some of my classmates. And we talk and laugh and I enjoy their company. I have friends from my art class who share a lot of my interests (art, obviously), and we can have long philosophical discussions where my pencil doesn't touch the paper my entire two-hour class. There are some really amazing people in my exchange group too, and they're sort of a blessing I never expected and just being with them makes me feel less alone and reminds me that I'm part of an incredible and rare experience.

It's made me appreciate what I've always had. My home, my family, my friends. The good education I received. The world of opportunities I can take advantage of in the future. I feel glad to be alive, even when I'm unhappy. I feel lucky. Very lucky.

Essentially all words could apply in some capacity to the experience I've had here. As they say, "Exchange is not a year in life, but life in a year." I've changed and I imagine I'll change a lot more by June. I'm excited to live every up and down of the next five months. Whatever happens, it will be fine. This whole thing has made me believe in fate. Not that I necessarily think fate is a real thing, but I do think I'm at my best believing it will all work out and living without fear. Best off just...living.

December (and the Beginning of January) in Review

How can it be that I haven't written here since November? November feels so far away. Here I have long days and short weeks. So here's a brief review of a very busy month and a promise to at least try to write a little more. Also no pictures because I just don't have the patience to upload them right now.

• My sister had two ballet practices. It was fun to see here with her makeup and costumes. At one performance she got to wear a really pretty white tutu, at the other she was dressed as a fork (Beauty and the Beast). The Beauty and the Beast show was really cute. It was based off of the movie and they used the movie music. I actually really genuinely enjoy watching ballet and the girl who played Belle was very talented.
• Both of my siblings had Christmas performances at their school. These included songs in English which I enjoyed more than anyone ever should. Ricky had to dress as an elf and a major sulking session ensued, but he came around when all of his friends looked ridiculous too.
• I got to go to Cuenca for a weekend. Cuenca is a city about 6 hours south of here. A girl from my exchange program invited a group of us to come visit and stay with her. The city is really beautiful and much more modern-feeling than the rest of the country. We had a great time.
• I baked an apple pie from scratch with no measuring and used an oven that doesn't work properly. It was for our YFU Christmas party and somehow it came out great, a true Christmas miracle.
• Virghy turned nine on the 19th. We had a dinner and cake with some of her friends. I gave her some money and a keychain with a picture of St. Louis.
• We had a big cookie-baking day. I love Christmas cookies and they don't make them here. Virghy was a big fan of the idea and helped me the entire day. We watched the Grinch twice. That night all five of us got together to decorate the cookies. Everyone kept saying that there were so many, but they were all gone three days later.
• Christmas here is a much more religious event than in the U.S. Essentially everyone is Catholic and I'm in Catholic school, so there was a lot of nativity scenes and kids reenacting the birth of Christ. Children here do not believe in Santa.
• Christmas eve we went to my uncle's house with all of my dad's brother's and their children. We had some extremely heated games of Uno (Virghy had gotten the cards for her birthday). There was an exchange of presents between the uncles and cousins. My uncle gave me a teddy bear, which I thought was really cute. We decided to name it after his crazy dog, Nena. Everyone stays up until midnight and hugs. 
• Christmas morning we opened presents. My parents had asked me what I wanted and I said a reading lamp (still a nerd). For the record, I love my reading lamp. My grandmas gave me a really pretty bracelet with silver hearts and tiny silver keys. For my gifts I did a portrait of each of the kids. I gave Ricky some movies and Virghy a Calico Critter set I had had my family send me. My grandmother had also sent along gifts for them, a bank and baseball for Ricky, and for Virghy a Rainbow Loom, which makes bracelets out of rubber bands. All the gifts went over quite well and I spent a good part of the day with Virghy on Youtube looking up different patterns to use with the loom. I got to skype with my family back home while the opened presents and I opened some presents that they had sent me. It was really nice.
• New years eve is a huge deal here and one thing I will miss next year. The tradition is to build a sort of effigy that you burn at midnight. We spent three days making Mike Wazowski from Monster's Inc. out of chicken wire and foam. On New Year's Eve day we put it out in front of our house and stopped cars for money, another tradition. I got to wear a pink wig and collected seven dollar's worth of nickels. That night, young men dress up as women and dance in the street, the cars give them money. The whole city is a party and we walked all over the streets just to see all that was going on. At midnight we burned Mike. Fireworks are legal, even the big ones. At midnight the entire sky was lit up. I didn't know where to look and everyone was laughing at how excited and amazed I was. Everyone hugs each other and wishes a happy new year.
• We went back to school and that was a bit rough after vacation, but I like my classmates so it's alright. A lot of other small things have been happening. I feel like I'm always busy. A few days ago the other American student, Sarah, finished her semester and went home. It's weird to think that she's back and this year is very nearly half over. I should write a more reflective post about that soon, but no promises. A week from today I am leaving for a tour of the coast with the YFU group. I am so excited!

Sickness and Soul Searching

I got back from the jungle trip on Monday morning, and immediately after I arrived home, the moment I had dreaded and feared was finally upon me: I got food poisoning. Well, either food or river water. I won't go into too many details, but I was pretty sick. I got a house call from the doctor and wasn't back at school until Thursday.

But the entire time I was laying in a bed feeling as though my intestines were trying to claw out from my body, I never really felt sad. The last time I was sick, the lonely bedrest made me seriously homesick. I wanted to be back in my bed in America. But this time I just wanted to get better and get back to school and my friends and being with everyone.

I'm not sure if it happened on the trip or before, but by the time I was back in Ambato I had realized that something was different. My life and who I am has radically changed. I think it must have been happening the entire time I've been here, slowly sneaking up on me.

I've had unexpected difficulty letting go of everything that was me and my life in Kirkwood. For years I talked of how I wanted to leave that place, and then not too long before I left, I realized how much I love it. Which isn't bad; it's good to love home. But to come here I had to forget it. I had to abandon the standards and thinking of that culture, at least to some extent. I really hung on to it for a long time. Mentally, I was still there.

But now, in what feels so sudden to me, I am totally and completely here. My entire life has shifted. It's strange and I can't describe it, but it feels like all my memories just changed colors. High school was years ago; everything feels so distant that it's like I dreamt it. It's freeing, and just what I've needed to happen. But I also know that I can never go back. When I return in June I will be a different person and I'll build a new life all over again. I have seven months more here. It doesn't sound like such a long time anymore, but at the same time I know I can't even imagine all that will happen and change in that time.

The last night of the trip, we slept in Quito. A group of my friends and I pushed a bunch some beds together and were laying piled on top of them. While I was dozing in and out of sleep, one of them turned to me and said, "I feel like we're supposed to be here." It's a great feeling.

El Oriente

Wednesday after school, the other three students from Ambato and I took a bus to Quito, where we reunited with everyone we had met at orientation. I was super excited to see everyone again. We got dinner at McDonalds. I think the other American girl, Sarah, and I were feeling a weird ownership of McDonalds, like we had some sort of birthright to those mcnuggets. Well, at least I sort of felt that way.

The next day we had a five hour drive. As a lover of long drives, I have to say, this was a great long drive. It was drizzling slightly most of the way and the mountains gradually changed into jungle. This really is a beautiful country. We arrived at the river and went to our hotel in canoes.

The hotel.

That day we had to hang out and swim in the pool. I went with a group for a walk through the little town nearby. It was humid.

Friday we went on a guided walk through rainforest. We learned about some different types of trees and their uses. We got to paint our faces with rocks and water from the stream. Sarah did my face, and I could feel that she was doing an intricate design and I was really excited to see how it was going to look. She wrote "loser" across my face. Thanks a lot, Sarah. The guide gave me a crown made out a palm leaf, one of the prouder moments of my life. To go back to hotel we floated down the river on rafts made from balsa logs. 

Saturday morning we went to a sanctuary for rainforest animals which had been illegally kept as pets. It was called AmaZOOnico (sic on the capitalization), a name which I greatly enjoyed. There were parrots, monkeys, an anaconda, some ocelots, and a whole other assortment. Then we got to go tubing down the river, which was really fun. At one point we stopped and did a rope swing into the water. After lunch we went to a butterfly house. There were all the kinds of butterflies that you only see on posters in elementary classrooms.

Sunday we made the drive back to Quito and spent the night in a hotel there. Other things that happened on this trip: I got a massage, I bought drug rug pants and I am thrilled with them, and we went to a karaoke bar and attempted and failed to sing "Hips Don't Lie" in Spanish. We had the nights free to hang out and we had some great times that I'm not about to write about here. I love so many of the other kids in my group and I had a great time being with them. The jungle is beautiful, but, as always, it's the friends I'll be remembering.

Sarah and me.

Napping on our hotel room porch.

This is how we got over the river on our jungle walk.

Before the Jungle Trip

November has been a busy month so far. I'm going back to the 6th for this post. That was a Wednesday and the first day in the student council campaigns.

The way they do student council elections here is different than in my high school back home, another example of the whole individualism vs. collectivism thing. Here, instead of running against each other for the specific positions they want, they assemble two complete lists of people. My friend asked me if I would be the treasurer for list A. Am I qualified for this position? Who cares. I have the gringa card, and we played it hard.

Wednesday and Thursday we went to every class in the school and presented our propositions. Both lists had the same propositions. We submitted lists of possible ideas to our principal/priest, and he only accepted the exact same ones. What I really love about this is it really removes most all possibility of voting based on merit. This is a pure, unabashed popularity contest.

Our strategy was called "Grace can speak English." Each class we went to I made a speech in rapid English. The students were absolutely amazed. It was as though English is not a language but rather some rare skill that only I have mastered.

During the elementary school recess we gave out foam smiley faces that we pinned on the kids' sweaters. Again, you would think this wouldn't be that exciting. But everyone REALLY wanted a foam smiley face. I was literally knocked over by them. When they lined up to go back to class there was a deafening chant in favor of "Lista A." We won by a landslide.

My student council armband.

That friday I went with our family friend to a big party that her school hosted. This is notable mainly because it really emphasized that there are dancing genes in Latin blood and I do not have them. I have no idea how the people here do the things that they do with their bodies. I just flail around and get sweaty.

Flailing with a man in a pirate costume.

My friend Pao and me.

Tuesday was the big parade. I got to carry the school sign and wear the extra-special fancy-day uniform. It was pretty cool walking down the street with the crowds and seeing people that I know. To be completely honest, the entire time during the parade I was just wanting to buy cotton candy from the people who were selling it all along the way.

My host mom and me, pre-parade.

After the parade my host family and I went and got some sort of milkshake-like drink made from eggs. The whole town was in a sort of relaxed festival mode. The exception was the Red Cross, who was taking the opportunity to offer free vaccinations. Based on the reactions I was witnessing, they were offering free amputations without anesthesia.

I had a great nap to reward my sign-carrying efforts and then used to afternoon to get things together to travel the following day.

Finados

First off let me say that my host family is back (yay!), and they went to Orlando without going to Disney World. The kids didn't want to go. They're possibly the only kids I know who would opt out of Disney World. But they're actually planning on a return trip in the future and my host dad and I are already making half-joking plans for them to visit me in St. Louis.

November 2nd is Dia de los Difuntos (Day of the Dead), but here it's called Finados. It mostly involves a big fair, colada morada, and guaguas de pan. Colada morada roughly translates to "purple drink," but there's no codeine involved. Actually I think the "colada" part comes from the fact that it has to be put through a strainer. It's like a stew of corn flour and fruit juice, and it's pretty good. Guaguas de pan is a bread shaped like a baby. Nobody seemed to know why this is the tradition. 

My celebrations began Thursday evening. At the university where I'm in art classes (for free!) there's some sort of indigenous advocacy group that was having a little party and gave us the traditional snack along with this traditional dish I can't remember the name of:

Potato cake, fried egg, avocado, onions, tomatoes.

Also that night my host grandmother was starting on the colada by juicing some blackberries:

Note the strainer.

Friday was a short day of school and was free-dress. I'm pretty sure that in most uniformed Catholic schools in the U.S., when there's a free-dress day, most people opt for comfort. From my observances, the American Catholic schoolgirl's out-of-school uniform is essentially nike shorts and a t-shirt. But I'm totally serious when I say that about a fourth of the girls here showed up in heels. My personal favorite outfit was this guy's:

"Canvas IMPACT LOOKING AWAY where are the guys? 68 LONELY GUY" ...should we be worried?

School let out around 10:30 and we all got colada morada and guaguas de pan:

They like to take pictures sideways.

The school made their colada in a giant vat. Also I should mention that it's served hot enough to burn you. 

BIG VAT.

They're basically stirring it with an oar.

Here are some photos of friends and me to illustrate how I really haven't mastered the Ecuadorian style of posing. Also I'm attributing my food baby to the fact that I ate about 3 people's bread. I haven't gained that much weight. Yet.

Friday night my family got home I had some fun talking with them about 'Murica. They were amazed that people were so courteous in the lines for the rides. Walmart is huge. Outlet malls are awesome (American clothes are outrageously expensive here). They said the food is bad; I promised to prove them wrong if they visited me.

Some people go to cemeteries SAturday but we didn't. That night my family and I went to the fair. This is essentially a carnival+festival+massive flea market. It was absolutely packed. They all acted like it was lame, but I was really legitimately excited. Some observations:

• Things being sold: toys, candy, clothes, shoes, food, cooking utensils, universal remotes, posters, knickknacks, antiques including the coolest collection of vintage glasses you ever did see, jewelry, makeup, electronics, music, everything that has ever existed.
• I really wouldn't trust someone in a fair booth to pierce my tongue but apparently a lot of my classmates do.
• Who needs a line for bumper cars? How about we just don't put up a fence, and when someone wants to ride, they have to stand in the surrounding crowd and run as fast as they can to the car they want? Seems safe.
• If you want a dvd with 50 different Chinese movies on it, this is the place for you.
• I saw a sign with the Joker's face on it that said "Who is serious?" I do not have an answer for him.
• One of my classmates bought a pot-leaf necklace and phone charm. I thought this was odd, because I had previously heard her make a negative comment about someone's marijuana use. I asked her if she smoked and she laughed, "No, no, never. It's just pretty." I mean, alright...

Ricky and I rode one of the suspicious-looking carnival rides. It was not smooth, quite painful actually. But I had a great time hysterically laughing at his shouting. To close I will leave you with a photo of one of his new shirts from the trip. He's different.

100% unaware that they're song lyrics.

Angsty Weekend and a Rainbow

Happy Halloween Everyone! Today is actually a civic holiday here honoring the national seal or something like that. There was a special segment on the news about it which featured the song from LOTR. I really have to question if the rights to that music were properly secured.

I'm going be angsty here and talk about my angsty weekend. I'm backtracking and talking about a week ago because I had wanted to write about it before but I've had a lot of things to do. I promise to write really soon about cool and fun stuff that's happening. There's actually a holiday this weekend and lots of festivities related to that.

My host family (parents and siblings) has been gone over a week. They actually went to Disney World. They're coming back tomorrow and I AM EXCITED TO SEE THEM. While they've been gone I've mostly been hanging out around the house and chatting with my host grandma.

Friday I decided I wanted to watch a movie in English and I went with Lost in Translation. I had always wanted to see it and thought it would be appropriate. It was more than appropriate. I recommend it though I'll say it's not a movie everyone would like. It's more about a mood than a plot. That mood just happened to really hit me right now and so I spent some time listening to the soundtrack and watching people in the street.

The thing is that it can be lonely being an exchange student, especially with my family being gone this week. Their absence and also hearing about other students having problems and changing families has made me remember how fortunate I am to have been placed with such great people. Let me reiterate: I am so excited for them to come home.

But this weekend I just wanted to stay in bed and not be here. I was having that lost feeling where you're changing but you're not changed yet. I know my year is going to change me and that's something I absolutely want. But there's that point where you aren't who you were but not yet who you're going to be, and so you're just kind of hanging.

Our neighbors are close family friends and they have a 20-year-old daughter who I hang out with a lot. She invited me to go to some town and eat some food on Sunday and I was pretty much trying to ditch and make excuses. She managed to get me to agree to go for a little while. They have a pick-up truck with a covered back and a mattress in the back. Traveling in the truck bed here is really common and that's what we did (sorry, Mom).

I honestly don't love a whole lot of things more than being in the car and looking out the window, and this blew that away. We ended up driving to about 3 different towns and eating lots of food and just exploring.

I can't describe the countryside here. I wouldn't want to take pictures; they couldn't do any justice. It's so rich. The colors, the smells, the farms and houses. There were clotheslines and horses and children playing soccer. I saw a woman milking a cow into cups and handing them to her children. It's all alive.

The weather here is insane, so naturally there were ten-minute intervals of rain and sun. When the sun was starting to set and shining between the mountains, the clouds moved and the volcano came into clear view. And then a rainbow appeared in front of the volcano. I would not make that up.

As we drove through the rural towns and past markets, I was reminded of what Reid (exchange student in Chile) wrote in this post, about how he was momentarily jealous of the tourist's grand adventure. Sometimes I have moments of doubt where I think I would have been better off to come visit Ecuador for a short time, to ride buses around and look at everything and then go back to being comfortable. But I'm doing the right thing. This land has a richness that I couldn't understand in a lifetime, but at least I get a moment to try.

The Theory

If you aren't familiar with Pitbull, you should probably just keep it that way and stop reading.

I can't say I'm a big fan of this man's art. His popularity has confused me since I first heard him rap. And I don't think there are a lot of people in the U.S. (at least the ones I hang out with) who really listen to Pitbull when they want to hear music. But he's popular here. He's Latino, and his music is great for dancing. He clearly is a better Spanish speaker than an English speaker...so why is he rapping in English? You might think its to appeal to the U.S. audience who generally won't accept any foreign-language media. But I have another theory: Pitbull is not a good rapper. Let's take his most popular song into account:

He's the creepy bald guy.

This song is big here. The only Spanish line is "que no pare la fiesta," which, as you may have guessed, means "don't stop the party." The parts where he raps in English are not good to listen to. I think that Pitbull knows he's bad. So he makes catchy songs to appeal to Latinos and then masks his lack of talent by making his horrible verses impossible for them to understand. I'm not saying I'm right, but if I am, you've got to give him some credit. Props to you, Mr. Worldwide.

I'm an Ecuadorian Cheerleader

That title isn't a metaphor. At my school back home we had the classic big football games with the band and the cheerleaders and the pommies (dance team). But here they don't have school sports and the culture that comes with them. What they do have is the November 12th parade with all of the high schools in Ambato.

My school has been hard at work getting together the marching band. And then there is a group of girls called the bastoneras who are like a combination of cheerleaders and pommies. They do this dance/march thing and do little tricks with a baston, which is like a metal baton with a pompom attached to one end. Aaaaaand I am one of them.

Now, if you know anything about me, you are probably thinking that this doesn't sound like something I'd sign up for. Allow me to explain: I had no idea what I was signing up for. Last week at our first practice (an hour after school each day), the girl in charge said, "The most important thing is that you be elegant in your movements." That's usually my cue to leave. The last time I had a practice for anything was in second grade, so for me those first days felt a little bit like:

(Minus the part at the end where they're good.)

But I decided to stick it out and I'm really glad I did. I have come a long way, and let me tell you, I had a long way to go (still do). There are about 25 and I think two are from my class, so I'm getting to know girls from all grades. They are all super nice to me and love to ask me to say things and English and get really excited when I do it. It's also cool because I definitely never would have done something like this at home, so it really is an opportunity. We get to wear a special uniform and get all done-up with our hair and makeup. I'm excited and I assure you there will be photos from the event.

This week was mid-trimester exams at school. My grades don't really count towards anything, so while I do try in school enough to not be disrespectful, I can't say I did a lot of studying. Grades are out of ten, and mine have varied from 8.5 to 2.9. That 8.5 was chemistry, and the 2.9 was math, which I am bad at in all languages. What's really hard for me is fill in the blank questions. Unless theres a word bank I just play Mad Libs.

I've been sick again, but not too bad. I haven't missed school or anything but I've been coughing for about a week. They are big on natural medicine here. I get a lot of vitamin C and take a cough syrup in which the only ingredients are honey and eucalyptus. The old woman who lives downstairs has been giving me warnings not to bathe. 106-year-old Virginita really wants me to drink some milk and brandy, but no one else seems to support that idea. Today when I came home, there were a bunch of branches outside my door.

Confusion ensued.

It's eucalyptus. I'm supposed to put it around my bed and just kind of hang out with it to help me breathe better. I'm almost better so I don't really feel like I need it, but I have to say, I'm kind of looking forward to having a little nature around.

I got my first package from home this week! My grandmother sent me makeup and candy and my colored pencils which I have been using every free second since their arrival. I was so excited that it had successfully arrived that I opened it at my art class because I couldn't wait to eat a Reeses. 

Ecuador qualified for the world cup on Tuesday. They actually lost a game against Chile, but because they still qualified everyone was excited. The streets were packed with people celebrating. After a big soccer success like that, all you can hear is car horns. People pile into pickup trucks and wave flags and beat drums. It's a party.

This month has been flying by. I've been so busy between bastoneras, art classes, school, friends and family activities. I'm almost done with my college application, but I still have to finish a few things. I'll probably cry from joy when that's submitted. Can't believe I've been here two months.

2 Cool 4 Colegio

I thought I'd give you a little more detail on my school and daily school routine, so Tuesday I took my camera to school to do a little bit of documenting. To give some more information: my school goes from 7-1 except some days it's a bit different for random reasons. I am in twelve classes: P.E., English, Chemistry, Physics, Religion, Math, Biology, Writing, Business, Civics, Literature and Research. If that sounds like a lot, I can confirm that it feels like a lot. Our class of 32 people stays in the same room and the teachers come to us.

My alarm goes off at 5:55. I stay in bed until 6:10. I need to mentally psych myself up for the moment I exit the covers. I put on my uniform and pull my socks all the way up, fix my hair and put on a little makeup. I grab my bag, which I packed last night for the classes I'll have today (Math, English, Bio, and Writing). Breakfast is tea, bread, and a boiled egg. At 6:50 my host dad drops me and my host mom off.

I go to the school yard and mingle with some other students until the 7am formation. Formation is when every class lines up according to gender and height. Theres a prayer and a short speech. Usually the inspector, who is in charge of discipline, tells us about 40 times the proper way to line up and that we need to stop talking and get our hands out of our pockets. Then we are dismissed, class by class, to go upstairs to our respective rooms.

Our first class is math. This teacher is one hell of a mumbler and he doesn't write anything on the board, so I never know what's going on. But today there's a weird vibe in the air. Apparently my classmates have an issue with his teaching style and that message made its way to him. He's giving us a lecture. It's awkward. Yesterday one of my friends had asked me what awkward means so I think I'll take this opportunity to explain. Our note-passing conversation is as follows:

Me: Remember yesterday how you asked me what "awkward" means? This conversation and the way the room feels is "awkward."

Her: What the teacher is saying or because we're passing notes?

Me: Neither...just the general feeling.

Her: Oh, because we're passing notes?

I don't respond. Supposedly there isn't a perfect Spanish translation for awkward and she doesn't really need to know anyway.

Also in math we are handed back this quiz:

Como se dice valedictorian.

Next class is English. I am so good at English. I actually don't have to do any work. I sit there and draw and listen to music and try to work my way through National Geographic in Spanish. Today the other students have an assignment where they're give summaries of 4 books: To Kill a Mockingbird, Lord of the Flies, Frankenstein and The Hobbit. They then have to write a short statement on how they think the story ends. Apparently my class likes to get creative because everyone keeps coming to me on how to translate their story about how Tom Robinson marries a movie star and makes the best chocolates in all of Paris.

After English is Biology. The teacher announces that we'll be watching a video and I get pretty excited until said video starts. You know in movies when they watch a video in class how it's just some footage of amoebas and someone talking really slowly? This is that video. I want to film it but can' figure out how to do so discreetly.

In the middle of Bio comes recess. During this time we can go to the school bar and buy food. There are two sides: one sells packaged snacks, and the other sells cooked food. The cooked food is actually really, really good. I'm sure since hundreds of kids now want food at the same moment, there's an orderly system of purchasing, like maybe a line...

Or not.

Recess is 30 minutes. We usually mill around and talk. Everyone shares all food, including ice cream cones and lollipops. Today, because I have my camera, we take some pictures. Naturally my friends start going up to guys I don't know and telling them that I want a picture.

 

Some of my friends and I.

At the end of recess we get to do the whole formation business all over again. After we finish the video during our second half of Bio, we get to have the rest of the class free. Ecuadorians seem to love pictures, so they get my camera out again. Everyone seems to have a preplanned pose/face that they do. On the other hand there's me, who often tries to look bad in pictures because that's sure better than looking bad when you're trying to look good.

Our writing class is called Messages. Today a group of students is presenting about the meaning of the word message. The teacher is mad because she's pretty sure everything in their powerpoint was copied and pasted. They show us a short video that I honestly can't remember much about besides the fact that it didn't connect that well to the definition of message.

School lets out at one and we hang around outside for a bit, talking and buying more food. Then a couple of friends and I set out for home. When I arrive at the house, lunch will be waiting. There are two things for certain: there will be soup, and there will be rice.

Lots of Things

The last couple weeks have been pretty busy, so this will probably be a long post.

When I stopped being sick I was really excited about not being sick. Like the kind of excited where you're just really psyched about being alive and breathing and being able to see colors and what not. I had been stuck in bed for over two days and that is not something you want to be.

Last Saturday we went with some family friends out to lunch and . Someone at the table started this word game/riddle; the best English example I could give was that it was kind of like the green glass doors. I understood the rule before anyone else. They were all amazed, so I can put that on my Spanish resume.

The biggest happening was that on Tuesday we went to Quito. My host parents had to go deal with some documents and decided we would all go. I got out of school and spent the morning taking a nap at the American embassy (they were getting visas for a vacation to Disney World). After that we went to the Equator. There's this big tourist park thing there, with museums and a planetarium. There were a lot of stores selling sweaters with alpacas on them. I'm on the hunt for the perfect alpaca sweater. Good thing I've got time to be picky.

After the Equator we went to this place where you can take a cable car up a mountain and get a good view of Quito. The city is long and skinny because can only grow through valleys. The mountains themselves are beautiful. I heard that there was a student one year who trained and got a guide and climbed Cotopaxi. Sometimes for like 30 seconds I think I want to climb some mountain. But then I see pictures and it looks like Hoth up there and thats a whole lot of physical exertion.

The View

Quito is a really interesting place. I hope to get back there and explore some other things. Naturally, I'm into the historic aspect. We drove through the colonial center and it's beautiful. Apparently it is also crawling with thieves because of the tourists. I saw quite a few Americans. Good lord do we stick out. I always want to talk to them and make the American connection, but I never know how to start the conversation. It would be a little awkward to just walk up and say, "Hello, I assume from your North-Face-Rayban-iphone combination that you are also from the United States." Maybe I'll just stand near them and quietly sing the Star Spangled Banner.

Friday was Ricky's (my host brother) 11th birthday. I gave him some money and a St. Louis keychain. His big gift was a new skateboard. We celebrated with some kids from the neighborhood, a fried chicken dinner, and a chocolate cake. There was a lot of laughing.

Yes to that cake.

Last night I went out with my host parents. That might sound lame, but it was really fun. We went to a restaurant/bar and it was packed. There was a Michael Jackson impersonator who was actually pretty legit. I can't dance very well but everyone else can. My host mom can bring the party.

I've been in Ecuador 6 weeks and school 4 weeks. My Spanish is improving. I get excited when I think about how much I'll be able to say come June, but I take it day by day, and I think that's the best approach to this whole thing.